Thoughts on life, love and faith by Plasticmind.

19 April 20071. Jason:

Protecting your family is your first biblical priority. For that reason, not bringing them into your home was probably wise.

I would suggest asking them to work for any help you give them and require them to be at church services. If they are genuine, they will do this. If not, you will then know.

19 April 20072. Michael:

I wish I had read this post earlier, since the struggles you are having are so resonant with me. A couple of years ago, we tried to help a girl from a small European country who was in similar straits (except that she was also apparently here illegally...yikes, was that ever a mess!) She even lived with us for a time. Then we found her a place to live temporarily while she tried to get back her visa; but in the end she just dropped off the map, and we have no idea what has happened to her in the past year or so.

Thoughout this episode of being taken for a fool, being taken advantage of, being hoodwinked by someone who in reality did not want the kind of life change that could heal her but only wanted a handout while she continued to poison her life, we had to come to the realization that we are not responsible for the responses of those to whom we try to show mercy. If they drop the ball, that is their problem...but we have to couple that instinct of accountability, (which I believe reflects the way God designed us as creatures who have personal responsibility to him,) with an understanding that God gives his mercy with no strings attached. How can we do any less?

That's why I found Jason's comments so disturbing. God doesn't send rain only on the fields of "just" people. Why then should we feel the need to exchange financial assistance for church attendance? Does it really matter if you get played? Why should you have to care about whether or not these people are genuine? (I know that this is not what you are advocating, Jesse. Jason just tweaked a nerve.)

I do think you are wise not to invite them into your home, since, from personal experience I can tell you that there are other options that may work better for everyone involved. I also appreciate your desire to do what is best for them. But I pray that God continues to give you the grace to freely give to them (as he gives to all of us) when these folks come back with another song and dance in search of free money / groceries / housing. How earnest do people have to be to earn our compassion? To answer that, could we ask instead, how earnest do we have to be in order to earn God's compassion? Could we ever be completely sincere or honest enough to indebt God to us? Of course not. God gives his grace and mercy knowing full well that eventually even the most sincere penitant will rebel again in some measure and need healing again.

19 April 20073. Erin:

I'm not qualified to say what Jesus would do in this situation, but as a compassionate human being, I think that helping them is the exact right thing to do.

However, I have to say that I disagree with Jason. I don't think you should require them to attend services. Forcing religion on anyone is no way to help him come to God. It's a personal decision, and as Jesus let followers come to him (instead of forcing them), so should you. Or that's my opinion, at least.

With regards to the job/loitering situation, however: I think that you have the right to require them to do more than loiter. Charity is not an invitation to be lazy; it is the compassionate act of a person reaching out and trying to improve the life of others. As the proverb says, if you give a man a fish, he can eat for a day, but if you teach him to fish, you can feed him a lifetime. Merely finding them a roof for their heads and food for their bellies won't help them next month or the next, as you've said.

I would let this couple know that you want to help them, but not only in the sense of finding them food and shelter. Encourage them to find work, show them how, and, if they need it, perhaps help them acquire the tools (a typing course, for example) to get a job that will pay the rent. If they refuse to make an effort, then you'll know that their not seeking help, but rather someone to enable them... someone to help them realize a lifestyle of laziness. (Somehow, I doubt this. Most people want to be helped, they just don't know how to do it on their own.)

I'm certainly not a saint, but that's at least what Erin would do. :)

19 April 20075. Sara:

This is something I struggled with often being a church secretary (fortunately for me, we had a committee of pastors and deacons to make the call- but we still had numerous conversations about it). In the course of my three years working there, there were a few people who continually came back. The first couple times is understandable, but then you feel like they expect the church to support them! This was especially frustrating with one particular man- he would talk about how his wife watched Food Network all day (obviously had cable), and when we would give him gift cards for the gas station, he would come back with a Big Gulp in hand!

It is SO hard- Jesus calls us to be loving and compassionate, but he also gives us wisdom. Also, we must accept that we have limited means- although I can endlessly love them, I cannot endlessly financially support them.

One of the pastors told me this story one time: A man, Rick, was out for an afternoon walk and was strolling across a bridge. He met another man, Tony, who was standing on the edge with a rope tied around his waist. Tony said to him, "I need you to hold this rope while I jump off." Rick asked him why he was jumping off- it was his choice whether or not to jump! Tony insisted that if Rick did not hold the rope, Tony would die. They went back and forth, and Rick told him that it would just be much easier if he did not jump... suddenly, Tony threw the rope into Rick's hands and jumped off the bridge. Now the control is in Rick's hand. Instead of taking control for his own life, Tony forced Rick into the position of having to decide his fate.

Of course, the answer is obvious: hold the rope! But what when it happens EVERY Sunday? How long must we fix people's decisions? Of course you are not going to let them fall... but the answer is not you always holding the rope; the answer is them not jumping! (I don't think I got the story exactly right, but that's the basic jist! :-)

I agree with the others: the best answer would be to help them gain the skills necessary to survive on their own. (There is actually an organization near my old church that would help them with financial planning, learning how to make the best decisions). I say, be honest with them. Tell them you would like to help them, but they will need to make steps to help themselves. Our policy was that if they came every month for help, the problem was that they were living above their means- yes, sometimes incidental things come up, but if it's every single month, that's a problem.

19 April 20076. Ben G.:

Our church doesn't help walk-ins. We take that money that would be given to those and send it to another church who has set up a non-profit charity system for helping those in need.

The fact of the matter is that many of these walk-ins are mooches. They go from church to church, peddling the same story and getting something for nothing. They have no desire to 'get out of bad times'. They rather like having other people work to support them. Having one centralized non-profit to handle these cases eliminates the uncertainty. They can keep track of how often they ask for help, what they are doing for a job, etc. There's no way for a singular church to know every person's story nor to communicate with other churches, "Hey, has this guy come by your church asking for help too?"

19 April 20077. Chuck Green:

To me, the difficult part of helping folks in this type of situation is determining what is really going on. If they have mental health issues or addiction problems, you do myself AND them a favor by getting them in touch with people who have in-depth training in those areas. That does not mean you give them a phone number and write them off--you can pray for them, follow up with them, and encourage them--but there are time-tested ways of addressing these situations that they should avail themselves of.

If they are just going through a difficult patch, I suggest offering, "Let's sit down and make a plan for getting you the help you need--I will be your advocate and help guide your through the process. The only thing I ask is that you agree not to rely on me for immediate needs."

I feel that if I am a source of immediate need, they will see me like they see everyone else: another short-term solution. (And, potentially, someone they will feel too beholden to, to see the long-term process through.) As their independent advocate, I remain objective. If I see a specific need, I can direct them to the proper resource or go on their behalf to someone else because I know them well enough to know it is a legitimate need.

One more suggestion (from a highly experienced pastor friend) is to ask, "What communications have you had with social services?" This may lead to a better understanding of the situation.

I would not bring people into my home without knowing a good deal more about them and their situation--it makes the relationship that much more complex.

All that said, its easy to offer advice, I have done parts and pieces of what I advocate, but not all those things in that order.

20 April 20078. Dave:

I think you certainly did the right thing Jesse, and I would not blame you for not taking them into your home. It was a judgement call you had to make, and you took it with flying colors. I think I would definitely pick up an apartment guide and call around and try to help find them the basic food, clothing and shelter.

Leviticus 19:15
" Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.

I think you did just fine.

Always remembering James 1:5-8;

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

I would certainly say, that by striving to follow God's will, you are doing better, no matter what you do, because you are doing it in God's will, and not for your own desires.

1 Samuel 15:22
"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams".

20 April 20079. Debbie:

I also agree with your decision not to let them in your home. There are various sources in the Bucks County area that may be of help to this family, should they return. There is a place in Bristol that helps people find jobs, I can get the address and give it to you on Sunday. They can also help with housing, food stamps, etc. I will get the information and give it to you, it would probably be a good source to have available at the church for situations such as these.

20 April 200710. Jason:

Erin, you may be right that having them attend church may not be necessary. It does seem reasonable to me though, that an un-churched person who is being helped by a church (not just an individual), would be willing and wanting to meet and be accountable to that church in some small way.

Michael, Scripture is clear that if a man will not work, he should not eat. To shield him from the consequences of his laziness is not merciful, it is endorsing his sin and helping him destroy himself.

Someone mentioned that most people honestly want to be helped. It would be nice if that were true, but as probably many pastors will testify, people regularly, particularly in my area, take advantage of churches. This is the sin nature of man in action.

All that said, there are some genuine cases, even in the richest nations on earth. In my experience the most effective way to find and help those who are genuinely in need is to ask them to work for help, even if it is something easy and simple. Those who are just taking advantage of you will find someone who isn't so "mean" as to ask them to work.

21 April 200711. Mark N:

Jason, you can be right and still be wrong. The trouble with shrill pragmatism is that it is reflexive, like the law, instead of redemptive, like the gospel. Both are Bible truth but only one can save. If Christ had aspired to religious leadership, he may have thrown the first stone at the adulterous woman; but He aspired to bear her burden of guilt and shame, so He had to kneel in the dirt. I propose you actually do that sometime for someone.

Jesse, beg God for more of these moments! It may be you He is working on. Believe me, there will be fruit, both inward and outward. Don't simplify difficult situations into some response tree or handbook ("How To Flip A Bum Without Investing a Penny"), and definitely don't start by shooing them off to paid professionals. Don't go for groups ("un-churched"?), go for individuals, like He did. Don't make your true church so cozy for the clean sinners that you need a para-church for the dirty ones; it was the simple of this world that He called. And don't believe anyone who thinks you have to change their lifestyle before saving grace changes their heart; it's the opposite.

Sorry for the no-answer on your question, and if I come off patronly. I have no clue whether you did the right thing or not. Fostering kids has taught me there is no formula approach to lost people; but it has also taught me (is teaching me) that the critical, no-substitutes element of Christ-likeness in outreach is the preparedness of habitual closet prayer. The thing about Christ is, He is better than us: we worry about people's response to the gospel; He somehow drills right down to their point of need and exposes it. How to live like that is the real question.

22 April 200712. Jason:

Mark N, I'm not sure what I said that set you off but you seem to have made some rather harsh judgments about me. My approach is pretty straightforward and certainly doesn't preclude love and reaching out to them with the gospel.