Thoughts on life, love and faith by Plasticmind.

It's 2:45 am, and I have to preach in the morning. But I can't sleep.

Today (or yesterday, rather) we went hiking with our YAM group to Onoko Falls. I went to the top of the waterfall for the first time. There's a huge flat rock at the top that simply ends with a 50 foot drop down to a shallow foot-deep pool.

I am terribly afraid of heights. As soon as I came around the trail and saw the immense dropoff, my heart skipped a beat. I tried to get closer to the edge, but at about 4 feet back, my breathing got really short and I was getting dizzy. I got down on my hands and knees to crawl up to the edge, but the rock felt like it was slanted and I was sliding down; so I laid on my chest and scooted to the edge.

What's killing me now though is that I can't sleep because I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I'm still getting shortness of breath and I keep imagining myself, slipping on the wet rock, scratching my fingernails off as I slide over the edge and then plunging headlong onto the rocks below. Even as I type this, my head keeps getting dizzy. I can't shake it. I'm hoping writing it out helps me get some sleep.